I am a liar

I'm a liar, because this blog was all about funny, all about me saying the things to my internets haters face that she didn't have the balls to say to mine. Well I don't have those balls. Until now this has been all very light funny stuff, tonight we're gonna have to get serious because I know I won't be able to sleep until this is said, so here are the things I wanted to say when I saw you Meagan, the things I wanted to say to your boyfriend, to your child to every thing you've ever said about me.

I saw you today. There are things I notice about you that are beyond words,  beyond my skill with them at least. The things like how your elbows crease in that way, the texture of your skin and your bad posture. Your affinity for ugly t shirts in terrible colors and baseball caps. These things told me who you were with your back turned, it felt like a sixth sense walking through an automatic door and having my belly tighten, my broken toe start to hurt. I don't think you saw me and I'm glad for that, because you don't deserve the satisfaction of my fear, of my pain. I hate that you have anything of me at all after these years, and yet I walked with my back taunt shoving ahead a shopping cart as if I were the criminal, as if it was me who had done wrong. I say so often I have nothing to hide, so why am I so ashamed of you?


You are thinner than I am but I've always known that. Honestly I think you need to brush your hair more and that is petty of me. I would like to imagine we had the same feeling when our eyes met. I would like to imagine that you were as uncomfortable as I was. That an invisible bit of twine wrapped tight around your intestines and pulled at them, willing you to go anywhere but here. I wonder if you do the same things I do. If you make plans for what you will do when you see me in public. I had grand plans you know, The second I saw him I was going to scream to anyone who could hear that a pedophile was in the building, to hold your children dear. I want him to feel every bit of shame that lays on my doorstep every day. When the time arrived and you were staring me in the eyes next to your lover I could not say a word. My mother had to speak for me and even that was something small. I like to imagine you have the same fantasies in reverse, that we are alike in our fear of each other. I would like to like you, did you know we had mutual friends once? We had the same friends who thought lowly of him. It comforts me to know that I am not alone in that at least. I wonder if you know what its  like to give a victims statement. If you know how it feels to spend hours on end in a police station having to disclose every detail of your sex life to a woman you met that day. To describe someones penis and their bedroom and relay every sweet nothing ever whispered in your ear by the person you believed you would be with forever. I wonder if you've ever been to  a SANE nurse. If you've ever had to describe every sex act, how many times and all the ways you've been touched. If anyone has ever rooted around in the most personal parts of you to take pictures of something private, secret. I wonder if you've ever walked into your school for the first time, knowing that everyone else knows what you have done. I wonder if you feel the same shame they say I should feel. Did you know it didn't occur to me to be ashamed? I loved, I loved fiercely and for a long time I tried to protect the guilty. I saw no shame in finally succumbing to the truth of the matters, I was a victim of a crime. That is not how they saw me, I walked in a school of people who heard your story, heard your tales of some harlot throwing her crimes at an innocent man.  I wonder if you know the truth at all. 

These are the bloodletting of a depressive spiral. They don't make sense and in a way I don't want them to.

I'm really lazy

This post was going to be about the letter someone sent to my home, but alas I'm far too lazy to go get it and scan it into the computer, so instead I'm going to address the hate that was left on my tumblr page that can be found here.

     
 I didn't actually realize how  hard it is to read this until I screen shotted it here because I originally read it in physics through my email. As such I'll translate.

 "So what is it like not to have a conscience and to have a black abyss where a soul should be? What is it like to know that no one, not even your parents loves you? What is it like to weigh 250 pounds and look like a guy? Because you are a psychotic schizophrenic, you will never be happy, nor deserve to be. Your sister and the person you thought was on your side told me that they wish you were dead and that you're a whore your best friend wrote that you have "Mental problems and would be better off w/o you."

And so there is the post. We'll get right into me being a bitch about it.

• So what is it like not to have a conscience and to have a black abyss where a soul should be? It's actually rather nice.  I'm capable of laughing at the petty, ridiculous things you say about me.

• What is it like to know that no one, not even your parents loves you? My dog loves me, we're best friends, sometimes I feed him bacon and he cuddles with me for hours. 

• What is it like to weigh 250 pounds and look like a guy? I'm a nice husky 175 thanks, and my tits are massive.  

Me, last week. 

•  Because you are a psychotic schizophrenic, you will never be happy, nor deserve to be. These things you say actually make me very happy. Hey maybe I'm a schizo and this is all in my head?

what my life is really like.

• Your sister and the person you thought was on your side told me that they wish you were dead and that you're a whore your best friend wrote that you have "Mental problems and would be better off w/o you." My sister is sitting across from me on my bed right now. She's a great person and one of my favorite people, even if she is in remedial P.E. She also has no idea who you are. My best friends know who you are and kind of hate you. k tho. 

With the end of this blog post I leave you a gif, once again mean girls. 

The adventures of a tumblr page

I have a tumblr, one day I noticed that someone I don't know who claimed to go to my highschool was following me. Obviously I was intrigued and took a look at the  blog. What  I found were thinly veiled attempts at insulting me without talking about me.

• Wait are you saying you're going to kill me? But I'm huge and you weigh like 87 pounds. I've got weight and I'm sure you know that mean a lot, ask your boyfriend.  My grandmother is a sweet loving cajun woman who would in a milisecond beat the living daylights out of you. 

• I ask that you head over to the police department evidence lockup. There you will find several pictures of me that were found in your boyfriends possession. Then you'll find pictures of us together. Enjoy yourself. 

This is how I lost my heart.

• Well lets start with the obvious. He took advantage of a fourteen year old girl and coerced her into entering a mentally abusive toxic and illegal sexual relationship. In addition to soliciting child pornography he also is just a really big whiny self righteous douchebag without the ed hardy. Does that sum it up for you?

•  If I'm always going to be inhuman why would I want the truth to set me free? This is the truth, the fact that you're too brainwashed to see it is sad. I didn't betray his kindness, I betrayed myself by ever allowing myself to think he was anything resembling kind; but I imagine you're well acquainted by now with just how cruel he can be. 

And with the end of this I leave you this fetch gif: 

This is the fun part

This is the review someone (Meagan) left on the book I was published in. If you don't want to go there I have helpfully screen shotted it.

  I'm going to break this into bullet points complete with a  response, because science.

• The part about "Declan" (such a stupid name) is a lie.

I really just needed to use a buffy gif. 

•  He had a girlfriend and a newborn which the girls could not stand. Bailey knew he had a girlfriend and made sure to randomly show up AT THE COLLEGE where she doesn't belong when he knew him and his girlfriend would be there. I don't know you, we have actually never met; I saw you across a parking lot once and you looked scary. I didn't know he had a girlfriend actually, he told me you guys weren't dating and the baby wasn't his. I was in literary study with my teacher the times I was at the college. If I wanted to flirt with him why was I going when you were there?

• The girl "Vanessa" lied, set up a computer virus and hacked his computer. They wrote out a bunch of fake IMs and then staged it. In the end, her parents paid off the police and the judge to not say anything (he owns his own company and has thousands to blow. Even her own prosecutor said she was promiscuous.This is my favorite one, first of all your boyfriend is a computer science major who unplugs his router at night so no one can hack his wireless, second of all my friend "Vanessa" while being a very smart person is not a computer wiz. I seriously had to install Google Chrome for her. I paid off the police? Shit girl why did I get a job at all if I have that kind of money?  My father works for a refinery so he's either a millionaire or you're full of shit. One way or the other I deserve more child support. 

• • The girlfriend practically lived with her boyfriend and baby's daddy, so there is no way that it was even possible. I think less of you for using the term 'baby's daddy' but alas I haven't thought highly of you since you started cyberbullying a fifteen year old. I went to his house almost every night for a few weeks so you either hid in the closet or I've got some BAD eyesight. Either way you got a show. 

• Besides the fluke that "Vanessa" and "Christa" waited for her not to be there that night so they could come in like they were old friends (who were let in by his roomate, not him) I have no idea what he's told you but we were picked up by your boyfriend the first night I went over there. In his ford lumina. His roommate was in his room watching Family guy while we all played pool. 

• That infants life is destroyed because of this girl. He's almost three now and never stands a chance for a normal existence while she's still out being the same harlot she was before she ever walked into "Declan's" (ugh) life. How does my being a harlot (Great use of older words, I applaud you) affect your child's life? I could literally have sexual relations with Bill Clinton and it would not change the life of your son. I was fourteen when I met your boyfriend and not really a harlot but sure, lets go with it. I destroyed your kids life Meagan. 

Until next time I leave you with this. 

I prefer ruler of all that is evil but I'll take Satan.

Hi my name is Bailey, you don't know me but this is me. 

I know I'm super cute, I can't stop it. I know you're asking "Bailey why do you think you have any right to be starting a blog?" 

I don't.

No seriously I have no right  to and I'm not funny, witty or very smart at all, what I am is a tired bitch. I'm tired of this. 

This is hate mail, and I'm not nearly important enough to get it. The most notable thing I've done in my lifetime is getting published in this book: 

I'd like to think it makes me famous but lets be honest, my hater is local and she's mad. She's upset because in this little book up there I wrote a story about dating her boyfriend. He was 21 and I was 14 and if you want to know the specifics you can read the book or wait until I have the time to type out a nice version of it.     What this girl has done is attack me on all internet fronts anonymously, and what I'm going to do is let everyone know what I have to say about it. So this is me. Take it or get off my blog.